#5 Wednesday Round-Up

2000's nostalgia & pickles

January 29, 2023

Happy Wednesday, (It’s Sunday). 

I am going to try, my dear readers, to make this a weekly letter. So, though not much time has transpired since the last edition, here we are again. For my British readers, good evening. For my state-side homies, good afternoon. This edition is chock full of aughts nostalgia. If you are just here for the recommendations, feel free to skip the teenage dreams and go straight for the recs!

Teenage Dreams or What I Learned From a 17 year-old on Christmas Morning, 2022:

Have you ever had a day that feels sort of cosmically inconvenient? Like you stub your toe, and then burn your hand, and then hit your head, and then you realize you forgot to pay rent? My day hasn’t been that much of a joke, but it has definitely gone in a similar direction, and I’m hoping like hell it changes course. I still have time. 

I’m not sure anyone should ever take advice from me, but if you find yourself having a weird day, I do recommend changing your environment and trying like hell to turn the energy around. Rearrange all of the furniture in your apartment, play Taking Back Sunday and scream into the ether, laugh at yourself, call a friend, do something physical to shake the feeling. There are worse things in this life than wasting time, and I know it is tempting to throw your hands up and call it a wasted day when you hit every red light or miss every train, but I promise you there are greater sins than inefficiency. Relax into it. Walk it off. It will be okay!

In fact, I was recently reminded of how so often, the thing that snaps me out of an off day, is doing the things I loved to do as a teenager. I haven’t found a grown-up problem that hasn’t been made a little more solvable with a little less sixteen candles, a little more ‘touch me’ if you catch my drift. 

Here’s how that reminder happened:

“I’m wearing all of them,” Ivana said, her eyes twinkling and her lips forming the kind of smile that tries desperately to hide a secret but, for the life of her, cannot. “My Christmas presents,” she continued, “I’m wearing all of them. This bracelet is new,” she jingled it for me, showing me all of its charms. A snitch, a sorting hat, a lightning bolt, quidditch hoops, a cauldron and many more talismans from the Wizarding World settled into their new home on her wrist. “And these boots” she flung her foot behind her, catching it in dancer’s pose. "And this bag” she turned to the side so I could see how it sat just so on her hip. “Oh and this sweater is also new,” she tugged at the bottom and stepped back so I could take in the full outfit and spun around. 

And as she beamed at me, thrilled at her new outfit and accessories, I was reminded of the excitement I used to feel when wearing the talismans of my youth: how powerful I felt in the armor of a new band-tee from Hot Topic, how invincible I felt in my worn through checkered Vans, how on-the-edge-of-everything I felt when my finger nails were painted a new shade of neon-something. There is this specific urge as a teenager to surround yourself with your favorite things and to carve spaces of your own into preexisting ones because so few places are meant for you. So, you decorate your notebooks with your favorite music lyrics, you furnish your locker with pictures of your friends and celebrity crushes, you tattoo inside-jokes with sharpie on your sneakers, and you make noise — a lot of it. I am here. I exist. I matter. 

We are taught to grow out of this because our adolescence is intolerable to everyone else. We are taught that making everything our own, tagging our existence and leaving a trace, is irresponsible and something we should leave behind. We are taught that there should be guilt in this pleasure. We watch as teen girlhood is vilified and made a mockery of— we are taught that to be young and to be brimming with passions and reactions is juvenile. Our music and fashion and language, and us by proxy, aren’t taken seriously. Our pain is ignored and our joys are scoffed at, and we learn to carve away at all that makes us loud and different. So, we take down our band posters and buy framed art instead. We trade in the composition books for earth tone Moleskins, and we stop collaging. The years go by, and we wake up to discover we don’t own a single glitter gel pen, and we haven’t screamed in public since our youth. 

This is not the way I want to live. I want to live a life that fifteen year old me would be proud as hell to grow into, one that she would cackle at and couldn’t wait to experience. She would be devastated to learn that everything she loved so fiercely is in a box in storage. I can’t stomach the thought that I silenced her just as much as everyone else did, abandoning her for clothes that never fit and music that never made me feel anything. So, I refuse to. I roll the windows down, and I bellow as Blink-182 screams that “mom and dad they quite don’t understand it,” and I dance as the All American Rejects remind me that “even when your hope is gone move along move along like I know you do,” and I hold my head higher as Taylor Swift laments that “it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now” and I open my arms wide and grin as My Chemical Romance taunts “You’re running after something that you’ll never kill, if this is what you want then… fire at will!” 

When I live this way, with the spirit of that girl who doodled all her dreams on a hole-punched sheet of binder paper and sailed it across the room as an airplane, I have this inner strength, this power that almost smirks. They’ll never take me alive. So, make a vision board and have a sleepover. Finger paint and play dress up and take a walk with your girlfriends at midnight to buy Sour-Patch Kids at CVS and laugh the whole way home. Give codenames to the people you have crushes on— like “Peg Leg” for the one who fractured his foot and “Turkey Trot” for the one who took his running regimen a bit too seriously. Run across the street before the light changes. Dye your hair pink. Make a scene. Take up space. Wear every single one of your Christmas presents at the same time. Leave a trace. And dare someone to say something. You matter, and so does the kid you once were. They’re still there. And they love you. I promise. 

Listening Round Up 

This has been a listening-heavy week, so I’ve divided this section into music, audio-stories, and podcasts. Enjoy! 

Music

🎧 Being So Normal (Dreamy, Indie Pop Album 2018)

This is one of those albums that gives me high school nostalgia— not because I was in high school when it came out, but because it captures so perfectly the angst, melancholy, joy, ennui and violent hope that comes with being a teenager. Trying to figure out how it’s possible to love as much as you do and wondering where on earth to put it, trying to discover why betrayals hurt so deeply, hoping desperately you don’t show how much you’re affected by that one person, wanting so badly to be understood and feeling infinite and so small all at the same time. 

It’s. So. Good. I’m a lyrics girl, which is what drew me to this album, but this music does something to me. Best listened all the way through, but my favorites are: Being So Normal, Alrighty Aphrodite, and Tommy’s Party. (For my fanfiction folks, Tommy’s Party is wolfstar coded to the nth degree). ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

🎧 Teenage Day Dreams (playlist of the music of my youth 2002-2012)

The first album I ever bought myself was the White Stripes Elephant CD in 2003. For context, I was entering the fourth grade, matching the butterfly clips in my hair to the individual toe compartments of my socks, wearing graphic tees from Limited Too that probably said something to the effect of “cute but kind of dangerous,” and eagerly awaiting my Hogwarts letter. I don’t remember when I officially graduated from HitClips (miniature MP3 players where you could play 60 second clips of hit songs like “It Happens Everytime” by Dream Street and “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. 

What I’m trying to say is, rock and punk and screaming about shit that isn’t fair has always been my jam. The songs on this list do not include what we got down to at parties and at school dances. It doesn’t include the boy bands and solo lady acts that ruled pop culture in the early aughts. It is pretty exclusively the pop-punk-emo-skater-rock that captured the hearts of teens and tweens from 2002-2009 at Vans Warped Tour & Projekt Revolution festivals that I was never cool enough to attend. I listened to it on my iPod while putting blue mascara on my eyelashes, black rubber bracelets on my arms, and covering one of my eyes with side bangs before homeroom.  Enjoy. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Audio-stories for Sleep

📚Demon in the Wood by Leigh Bardugo (Fantasy/Romance/Academia)

If you are a fan of Shadow and Bone (the show or the book), then you might like Demon in the Wood, the graphic novel prequel to Shadow and Bone which details the childhood and background of the Darkling. Personally, I’d never spend money on this for myself, but I did borrow the audiobook from Libby whimsically before bed, and I was out in five minutes flat. I don’t know what this says about how interesting the book is, but the deep, soothing, milky narration of one Ben Barnes (my husband) provides for excellent sleep.  ⭐⭐ for interest  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐for sleep. 

📚 Blue Gold by Stephen Fry (Very dry non-fiction/ Botany)

Though I am not usually plagued by insomnia, if I take my ADHD medicine too late in the day, I can have trouble falling asleep. No stimulant has ever been powerful enough to defeat Stephen Fry’s narration of Blue Gold, however. Give this man another award, please! 

I would love to tell you I know how this story ends, but I fear I always pass out before it gets that far. All I know is that there is a lavender field involved. I have recommended this video to at least ten people, and I swear it has the same effect as 2 melatonins and a Benadryl. Happy listening!  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Podcasts

🎧Chameleon: Wild Boys by Campside Media (Podcast, Investigative Journalism)

This recommendation comes from my friend Hilary, who is a fellow teacher, voracious reader, and podcast listener. The series chronicles the bizarre media circus that came to a small Canadian town after two boys showed up out of the blue, unaccompanied, malnourished, and without any money, or identification. As some people in the town band together to help the “bush boys,” others are suspicious of the boys’ claims that they were raised completely off the grid in the British Columbian wilderness without access to civilization. Further mysteries about these boys’ past and how they came to find themselves in the small town of Vernon in the summer of 2003 are investigated over the course of eight episodes. What Hilary and I both loved about this series was the compassion and integrity of its host. Sam Mullins seems genuinely interested in every person’s story throughout the series in a way that landed as non-judgemental and non-exploitative, which is hard to do in this era of journalism! I enjoyed it. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Watching Round Up

🎬Shadow and Bone (Netflix, fantasy, adventure, romance)

If you closely follow my reading and watching life, you know I’m in my Ben Barnes era, which means that I am slowly but surely making my way through every single TV series, movie, commercial, interview, or music video Ben Barnes has ever appeared in. (His credit as “Guy” in The Kook’s music video for Sofa Song  cannot go unnoticed, but his appearance definitely can so don’t blink because you will miss him). My friend Meg would argue that Ben Barnes is at best irrelevant in mainstream media discourse, and she isn’t wrong, but like…he is the most consistent man in my life right now so, all of you get to hear about him. Enter: Shadow and Bone

Shadow and Bone is a dark academia/fantasy/adventure romance series based on Leigh Bardugo’s trilogy of the same name as well as the duology Six of Crows. Taking place in Ravka, a country torn in half by the dangerous and mysterious shadow fold, orphan, cartographer and resident shit-disturber Alina Starkov (Jessie Mei Li) finds herself in possession of the only power that can eradicate the fold and join two halves of the nation: one, starving for resources and the other, lavishly enjoying them. Enter: General Kirigan (Ben Barnes) who is the only Grisha (magical person) who holds perhaps even more power than Alina. Rife with magic, deception, romance, and adventure, Shadow and Bone is a compelling enough watch to make me want to read the books. All eight episodes of season 1 are available to stream on Netflix, and season 2, which will adapt the remaining books in the series, is set to premiere March 16, 2023.  ⭐⭐⭐⭐

PS: I plan to read all of the books in the coming months so, keep an eye out as that happens 👀.  

PPS: The actor who plays her BFF, Mal, is so hot. 

PPPS: The actor who plays her BFF, Mal is so hot and also starred alongside Ben Barnes in Gold Digger, which was recommended last week. 

Okay I’m done. 

Reading Round Up

Honestly y’all, I have been in a big reading slump, so this week instead of recommending a book, I am recommending a book subscription called Read Recycle Repeat. I discovered them through this tiktok last summer and immediately signed up. I am happy I did because they didn’t expect to blow up and were sold out for a while. But fear not! They are back and better than ever. 

Basically they are two English teachers named Katie and Ang who curate a book for you each month. You fill out a form about what you like (not just books taste but also hobbies and passions), and they send you a used book. They distribute books that have been donated to them or books they’ve thrifted and send you a cute package with stickers or pencils etc. each month. There are different types of subscriptions depending on genre or a mystery box! It’s super fun and personal, and I’ve been introduced to so many new authors I never would have read otherwise. I know this sounds silly, but I feel like they care about me? They sent me a postcard once in very mom-like, beautiful looping script that said “Dear Montana, because you said you loved postcards we wanted to include this. We wrote this note on a post-it, so that you could actually use the card. This is one of our favorite books, and we hope you like it! Let us know what you think! Katie & Ang,” and I wept. Also! All shipments are carbon neutral! Woo! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cooking Round Up:

🧁Dill Pickles (The Rugrats nostalgia is real for this one)

My love of pickles— making them, eating them, talking about them— has increased tenfold since I got on pickletok. This recipe is so easy and so quick and gives you a fun present in 4-6 weeks. (Okay, I know, that’s the down side. So make them NOW, so you can eat them LATER). ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Making Round Up

🔨Plant Babies (propagating your house plants! Mitosis! jk)

Plants can be expensive when you are first starting out as a plant parent. However, the cheapest way to buy plants is to make babies! Cutting and propagating your pothos, monsteras, peperomia, and heart leaf philodendrons serve as great gifts, table accents, or new additions to bookshelves and countertops! Here are a few how-to videos for the most common house plants and the materials you will need. I promise it is EASY and meditative. It’s okay if you don’t get it perfect —  the plants are more resilient than you think!

Laughing Round Up

PS if you’re a local (Bay Area), Jordan Thewlis will be performing in SF in March! Get tickets here. (If you are a fanfiction nerd obsessed with Remus Lupin, I have so far found no relation between this man and David Thewlis).

Ending Note:

Okay guys, I’m actually kind of wildly proud of myself for writing another newsletter in only one week’s time. As always, please reach out with your favorite bits or if you’ve tried any of these recommendations! It makes me day to hear from you. XO, M